the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sorry about my life...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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