I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i believe in u and ur pee
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