i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
