Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
