i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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