Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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