Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Someone shattered a urinal.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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