Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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