Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
