i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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