break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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