yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
