party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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