Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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