Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
