If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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