sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
