Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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