whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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