I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
