Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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