I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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