took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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