So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
