yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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