Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
