She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
