It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
