well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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