I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I will be naked everywhere
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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