There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
