hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
