hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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