You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
