And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Randomize
