Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
