You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
