he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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