so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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