Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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