Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
