I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
