Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
