why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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