I'm sorry my penis didn't work
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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