so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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