I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
