why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
