Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
