I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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