From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
