So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
