no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
