I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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