Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
