Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
