i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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