I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
