If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize