it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
