you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
