break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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