some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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