I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
