Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
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NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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