I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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