thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
