so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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