During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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