your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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