You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
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Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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