awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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