I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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