guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
