take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
