I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
