its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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