your thong is hanging out like whoa
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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