I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
